Mental health no Jutsu 9: Secondhand Grief

This is one of those issues where there is definitely not a one-size-fits-all answer, but this is the one that seems to be working best for Roo, so far.

If you have any thoughts, you should definitely tell us about them in the comments below, or If you have a tumblr or a twitter, you can share it with us there! We are on twitter @tixnroo and our tumblr tags are #mhnj #mental health no jutsu, and #TixnRoo

Mental Health No Jutsu 8: Hunkering Down for the Rain

[ Tix ] It has been a rough summer for me.

I am currently dealing with two heaping scoopfuls of grief . One I have been preparing for — a family member that has grown terminally ill…

And another, who passed away suddenly in an accident just a couple of weeks ago.

Although they are both reaching the same destination, they both feel different. The Kubler-Ross Stages of grief be damned, I fluctuate between depression and anger, confusion and betrayal.

All the while trying to keep a straight face and go through my busy schedule of life.

But through all the fake smiles, the “i’m okay”s and the pained laughter I realized that I was not following the most important rule of this [and many] emotions.

Grief is what you feel. Mourning is what you do and how you act from it. *

I didnt allow myself to do either.. and I suffered hard from it. I didnt talk about it to anyone and I would feel sick. I would try and keep up with my friends when they wanted to go out and I felt more lethargic than ever.  I would try and follow my routine and I would wonder why I was losing my temper a lot faster than I normally do.

My grief was showing in other unhealthy ways.

So, with all that said , I say this to you … allow yourself to grieve and mourn. Allow yourself to cry to sad songs, make vent art, take naps and just talk.

You’ll find that over time you will start to feel like your old self again. The rain will past and leave blossoms of joy behind.

However, if you find yourself growing unhealthy habits after a long period of time [ Emotional Eating, undereating, Alchoholism, Actions of Self Harm ] then please seek the help you need and deserve. Mourning sometimes have us do crazy things and go through bad cycles. Dont allow yourself to drown in your grief.

* While this speaks about the loss I’m going through we havent forgotten the different kind of loss you can experience. Break-Ups, Losing a Job, Losing a friend, even losing something materialistic can bring up feelings of grief. I hope this MHNJ helps as well. 

Here is what we want you to do:

Make a list. Make a list of between 3 to 5 things that fit into one or more of the following catagories:

A: Things that you want to be/can be/dont feel like you are

B: Things that you like about yourself

C: Things that you know are true about yourself, but you have a hard time remembering.

And then put those things somewhere you will see them.

Roo had a friend once whose therapist prescribed a similar thing, and she had little rocks on her dresser that said things like “Beautiful” and “Strong” on them, and she was supposed to look at them everyday.

You can do something like that, or something like the poster Roo made, or something unique to you!

What This is Trying to Achieve:

The idea is that you have traits you like, but that maybe you forget about, and having them around you (or maybe not having them around you, but just working on something that reminds you of them for a few hours) will help you gain more self-confidence in what you already have going for you!

We know that positive self-talk doesn’t work for everyone, though- and that for some people it’s actually counter-productive! If you have a technique that accomplishes the same basic thing that this does, but in a different way, we would love to hear or see  it!

We really like to see your participation, but we understand that the MHNJ projects can be sort of personal! If you feel like sharing your Note To Self, you can post a picture in the comments. If you have a tumblr or a twitter, you can share it with us there! We are on twitter @tixnroo and our tumblr tags are #mhnj #mental health no jutsu, and #TixnRoo

Roo spent a lot of time trying to decide what the first MHNJ should be after the couple month hiatus. We have a lot of things in the works, but none of them felt right- or they would take too much effort, or any number of other excuses.

And one day on the way home he was talking to a friend on kik and complaining about how he wanted to go get a philly cheesesteak sandwich but it was late and not exactly on the way home, and his friend asked one really frustratingly simple question.

“Would it make you happy?”

And the answer- the honest answer, no matter how delicious Suzie Burger makes their sandwiches, was “No.”

And this reminded Roo of a thing that he had done a few years ago and really, really liked.

Here’s how this works:

We want you to write “Will This Make Me Happy?” on something. A piece of paper, a whiteboard- anywhere that makes sense. (Bonus Points if it is somewhere that you will see it often!)

Then, Take a picture of it. Preferably with your phone, because that’ll be fastest, but a webcam or a Real, Fancy Camera will also work.

Now, set it as your Lock Screen. Or your computer/phone wallpaper. Or print it out and hang it on a bulletin board near your desk- wherever works for you, but, again, preferably somewhere you’ll see it often, or somewhere that you tend to be when you are making decisions.

What this is trying to achieve:

The goal here is not immediate happiness, necessarily. The goal is to make you be honest with yourself when making decisions. Especially small ones that can have big, out of proportion consequences, like hamburgers or commenting on a YouTube video.

Asking “Will this make me happy?” will hopefully do the following two things:

1: Make you consider if the thing you are about to do is something you actually want to be doing right now.

2: Make you wonder about the long-term effects of a thing you are deciding on.

And hopefully, it will help you make better decisions.

We really like to see participation, but we understand that the MHNJ projects can be sort of personal! If you feel like sharing your Note To Self, you can post a picture in the comments. If you have a tumblr or a twitter, you can share it with us there! We are on twitter @tixnroo and our tumblr tags are #mhnj #mental health no jutsu, and #TixnRoo

Mental Health no Jutsu #5: Happy Box part 4, The Box Itself

We’re doing something a little bit different this month. It’ll be broken down into Four (4) main parts and we encourage you to add onto them as you see fit. The goal this month is to take care of yourself, and this project is gonna be fairly personal so we’re not assigning difficulties or bonus points- or even examining how it helps kill art block.

A couple rules for the Happy Box:

1: Keep everything you make this month in a safe place until we get to the last week. You don’t want to lose it.

2: Don’t worry about how other people might judge your Happy Box. This is for YOU, not them. they don’t have to like it.

Part 4: Acquiring and Filling a Box

Okay so, this is pretty straight forward:

Acquire a box to put the things in. We strongly encourage that you build one (it’s more personal that way!) but it’s okay if you buy one. (Roo did!) but either way, once you have it, make it yours.

If you’re a sticker kind of person, put stickers on it.

Draw things on it that makes you feel safe, write reassuring words, woodburn crazy celtic patterns- whatever you need to do to really OWN this box, do it. It can have a lid or not have a lid and it can be as big or small as you like- so long as it holds all of your items. Go nuts! And don’t worry about finishing it right exactly now- you can come back to it later, if you need to! the point is, it’s your box and it has things that make you feel good in it.

Once you’re happy with the box (or have a box at all) go ahead and put your things in there. Arrange them how you like- and again, this is your box, so you can be as much or as little particular about the exact arrangement as you like.

And then, once you have everything in the box that you need in the box, put it somewhere safe, where you can get to it when you need to.

We love to see your completed projects, but we know that this one is sort of personal! We do encourage you to post a picture of your completed box, though, and you can do so by replying to this post. If you have a tumblr, you can respond there- we DO have replies enabled if you’ve been following us 7 days or more- you can also Submit the list to our blog and if we get enough responses we’ll put together a big list for people to look at.

Mental Health no Jutsu #3: Happy Box Part 2, Comfort Items

We’re doing something a little bit different this month. It’ll be broken down into Four (4) main parts and we encourage you to add onto them as you see fit. The goal this month is to take care of yourself, and this project is gonna be fairly personal so we’re not assigning difficulties or bonus points- or even examining how it helps kill art block.

A couple rules for the Happy Box:
1: Keep everything you make this month in a safe place until we get to the last week. You don’t want to lose it.
2: Don’t worry about how other people might judge your Happy Box. This is for YOU, not them. they don’t have to like it.

Part Two: Comfort Items

This week you’ll be gathering some things that usually make you feel nice- comfort food, comfort blankies- things that maybe you feel like you should feel bad about needing, but you shouldn’t. How you cope is your deal, not everyone else’s.

Thing #1: Foods and Drinks.

Just what it sounds like- do you have a particular food that you like to have that makes you feel better (chocolate, maybe?) Do you have a go-to tea when you’re feeling down? Get some to keep in your box- or if you can’t keep the food itself (maybe baked goods is your thing) keep the recipes there, so you can whip them up when you need them.

Thing #2: Fragrance

You know you have one- a smell you just absolutely love. Maybe it reminds you of home, or maybe You’re not sure what it is about it, but it calms you DOWN. Get some of it- if you’re a flower person, keep some dried flowers in there, or know a place to go get the kind you like if you need it. if you’re not too sensitive to concentrated smells, maybe buy a tart warmer or a diffuser and invest in some scented wax tarts or essential oils.

Thing #3: Tactile

We don’t care what anyone says- stuffed toys and blankets are essential transitional items for most of us, and it doesn’t matter how old you are: if it works for you, use it! It doesn’t have to be something soft and fuzzy, either- but it does need to be an item, and you should be able to hug it (or have it hug you) and it should make you feel safe. If you don’t have anything that fits this, or you can’t think of anything, you can leave this out- assigning happiness to an object rarely works as intended-
We do, however, suggest maybe making yourself a blanket.

We love to see your completed projects, but we know that this one is sort of personal! We do encourage you to post some items from your box  in replies to this post, though- you might have some gems in there that others would enjoy but did not know existed! If you have a tumblr, you can respond there- we DO have replies enabled if you’ve been following us 7 days or more- you can also Submit the list to our blog and if we get enough responses we’ll put together a big list for people to look at.

Mental Health no Jutsu #2: Happy Box Part 1, Personal Playlist

We’re doing something a little bit different this month. It’ll be broken down into Four (4) main parts and we encourage you to add onto them as you see fit. The goal this month is to take care of yourself, and this project is gonna be fairly personal so we’re not assigning difficulties or bonus points- or even examining how it helps kill art block.

A couple rules for the Happy Box:
1: Keep everything you make this month in a safe place until we get to the last week. You don’t want to lose it.
2: Don’t worry about how other people might judge your Happy Box. This is for YOU, not them. they don’t have to like it.

Part One: Personal Playlist

For this first segment of the Happy Box we want you to make at least Three (3) Playlists. You can store them on CDs, on a flash drive, or in playlists on your MP3 player- it doesn’t matter to us, it’s about what’s most comfortable and natural and accessible for you. Roo is including a few that work well for him to get you started, if you need some help.

Playlist #1: Chillout
This playlist is for when you’re feeling worked up- stressed, angry, anxious, panicked, depressed, distressed, scared, or any combination or derivation of those. Whatever helps get you out of your head and puts you in a better place. The goal here is mostly to calm your nerves, not to get you feeling happy or upbeat.
(ex: One of the songs Roo uses is actually called Chillout, and it’s by Ze Frank. He also swears by Heart and Soul from the BIG soundtrack.)

Playlist #2: Upbeat/Happy
You know how you hear some songs, and no matter how you’re feeling (unless you’re particularly depressed) it picks you up IMMEDIATELY? That’s what this playlist should be. Upbeat stuff. Songs you love SO MUCH you get excited just being reminded they exist.
(ex: Roo enjoys another Ze Frank song, Scared, for this. Another one that always works without fail is In Your Light by Gotye.)

Playlist #3: Sustained Happy
This one should be songs that keep you feeling upbeat but that you can only really get excited about if you’re already in a decent mood- you’ve probably heard them a few times and gone “wow this song ALWAYS makes me happy!” but when you’ve tried listening to them while depressed or angry they just don’t do it for you- but they DO kelp keep your mood stable when you’re already feeling okay, and that’s what this playlist is about!
(ex: Roo knows it’s a little overdone, this being the internet and all, but the original version of Caramelldansen is a favorite, as is All Over Again by Matthew Ebel.)

We love to see your completed projects, but we know that this one is sort of personal! We do encourage you to post some songs from your personal playlist, in replies to this post, though- you might have some gems in there that others would enjoy but did not know existed! If you have a tumblr, you can respond there- we DO have replies enabled if you’ve been following us 7 days or more- you can also Submit the list to our blog and if we get enough responses we’ll put together a big list for people to look at.